Good News V. Good News Anxiety

One recent evening, I was bent over a big canvas in our dining room, which I have hijacked as a temporary art studio. A river of classic rock tumbled through my headphones. Occasionally, I’d get hit with an irresistibly funkalicious song — say, Stevie Wonder's Superstition — and I'd put down my brush and dare to dance, ever-so-briefly becoming a terrible spunky senior citizen from a psoriasis commercial. Then I'd take a swig of lukewarm instant decaf, return to the canvas, and resume the almost physically pleasurable act of turning color into story.

When my husband walked through the room, I told him, "This is it. This is my happy place."

And there it was, I'd gone and said it out loud: I'm happy.

Who does that? Who displays emotional red meat like that for the universe to sniff out and destroy? But I'll say it again.
I.
Am.
Happy.

I'll take it a step farther here, too, and explain that the painting is a project I've been working on for many, many months for the children's section of a public library. I've designed a mural-like image that stretches over multiple canvases, and — yes, I'm writing this out loud — it is going to be very cool (*brushes fake lint off shoulder). This is a dream commission.

Witness my risky behavior: talking about a good thing as if confident that it will continue to go well. Even Eeyore knew better than that.

The hosts of one of my favorite true-crime podcasts conclude each episode by instructing listeners, "Don't be an irony." Meaning, be careful. Don't be a true-crime enthusiast who becomes a true-crime victim. But long before I ever heard The Murder Squad, I was hip to the dangers of becoming an irony. Imagining the potential ironic turn in almost any suspiciously positive situation was as easy as breathing. This is part and parcel of what I call Good News Anxiety: the crippling nervousness that accompanies a sudden wonderful turn of events, preventing one from actually enjoying the moment. (Turns out I am not the only weirdo to experience Good News Anxiety.)

When I first learned of the traditional Jewish tendency not to have a baby shower before the baby was born, my fearful little rabbit heart felt vindicated. Here was a wise approach to almost any positive situation in progress. To mitigate the possibility of inviting an ironically negative turn, Step One is always "don't talk about the good thing."

And yet here I am, tempting the gods, flagrantly chirping my happiness and telling you that I am pregnant with paintings. Who knows, perhaps two years of watching the world catch fire have eroded good sense.  

I'm tired of hauling around my big suitcases filled with scary stories. Perhaps it's possible to reach a point in life where superstition is just a song with an insanely danceable riff. Maybe we should just actually, ebulliently meet happy news with happiness.

Boogie on, friends.

Doughnuts and your politics are none of my business

It was 78 and sunny when I set out to traverse the winding roads that lead to the arboretum. The familiar drive takes me by an old-time roadside tavern and at least one split-rail fence behind which horses graze. I looked forward to playing in the light of newborn autumn. Such is my idea of a perfect day.

Except.

Except this time, the rural landscapes along my way were littered with campaign signs. The farther I got into the country, the more advertising I saw for the candidate I deem most likely to murder our democracy. (Use your imagination.)

I drove. I stewed. I passed a quaint antiques store I had shopped at decades ago, noticed a sign in the front yard, and muttered two uncharitable syllables. I tried to pull myself back to the blessing of a Saturday unburdened by obligations. Then I'd pass three lots in a row that trumpeted loyalty to a despot, and my mind would slip into wondering: Are these people evil or just stupid?

Then I'd scold myself because I knew better. It is often--maybe even usually--neither of those. It is maddeningly more complex. I'd think briefly about how the other side asks the same questions about OUR signs.

After about five miles, tension gripped my shoulders. I was drunk on bitterness, not just about these property owners' voting intentions, but because they were ruining my perfect autumn drive. I regarded the signs as trash illegally dumped on my personal vistas. Then came the self-recriminations for THAT line of thinking.

It was a relief to arrive at the arboretum. I swished through a field of sparkling wildflowers and got buzzed by dragonflies. I went crazy with a new phone app that uses photo uploads to identify plants. I drew a little forest of mushrooms in my sketchbook, and I figured out a different way to use lines to describe a tree in full leaf.

I forgot all about the campaign signs until three hours later, when I was back on the road and headed for home. But this time, fully chillaxed by nature, I was determined to ignore the red-white-and-blue bluster. There was no way to avoid SEEING the signs if I wanted to drive without crashing, but could I decide not to brood?

For months now, I've been hot on the trail of the secrets to staying sane in crazy times. Spoiler: My list is short and semi-effectual at best.

But good God, remember January 2017?! Weeks of keening and wailing on social media by people devasted about the results of the election. This describes most of my friends. This describes me. We posted an avalanche of reporting and editorials, of women's march photos and ironic memes. We made daily revisions to the hypocrisy report card of the new guy and his enablers until, frankly, it became impossible to keep up.

For a while, hyper-vigilance seemed the obvious answer to what ailed the nation. Many of us deduced that if we were loud enough, we might do a hard reboot on the country. Help our neighbors see the light. Return the place to previous levels of dysfunction, which now looked like heaven.

You can judge whether you think the loud-large-and-obsessive approach has made things better. It sure has been hard on the spirit.

Somewhere along the line, I started to see my Facebook cris de coeur as worse than useless. The minute I would share my outrage, the comments would tumble in, echoing and amplifying my anger. It was intellectually satisfying but emotionally wearing. Every post became the starter dough for chagrin that blew up into a fat loaf of despair.

I've been trying to do better at taking care of my brain these days. I give myself about a C-minus for these efforts, although reading and sharing less about politics has been helpful. Journalists, God love them, are front-line workers for our republic. I'm beyond glad that they're on the job. Yet in the name of self-preservation, I now turn away from much of their good work.

It's useful to know one's limits.

More than two years ago, I dramatically changed the way I eat. The program I follow was built for people whose brains are wired for food dependency. For us, it's easier to eat no sugar than to eat it in moderation, so we don't eat sugar. You might think that, deprived of sweets, I would dwell on, say, all the doughnuts that I am no longer "allowed" to eat. The opposite is true. I never think about doughnuts. If I'm in a space with a box of doughnuts, I dispassionately look away.

I can't do anything about doughnuts. Doughnuts are none of my business.

And neither are the people who put up signs to support the enemy. If they are evil, I can't save them. If they're stupid, I can't educate them. If they are people who simply put the world together differently than I do, then, with four years of my best thinking behind me, I can't understand them—nor do they care. They don't need or want my understanding. This I know.

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So on the drive back from the arboretum, I decided those signs can be like doughnuts. Or, maybe more to the point, they can be like roadkill. I might see the poor raccoon, but I don't have to cogitate on why he couldn't drag his sweet striped tail across the street intact. No need to dwell.

So there it is, today's sanity hack, such as it is. My vote in November? That's all of my business. In the meantime, I'm going to do my best to keep my eyes turned to sunny skies.

Otto is dead, but all else is wide awake

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The first astonishing things I learned about the common octopus is how smart and social it can be. (Perhaps you’ve seen the video of one opening a lidded jar from the inside.) The next surprise was that it doesn’t live all that long—maybe a year or two.

When I stopped at the Wetlands Institute this year during our annual trip to Stone Harbor, New Jersey, I hoped to see Otto, the small octopus that was part of the organization’s teaching collection when we visited last year. He had danced around the glass for visitors who came to squint into his aquarium. He would contract into a ball, stretch and unfurl his arms, and dart through the water to follow us as we circled the glass. This pod-human interaction was curiously satisfying, like an unsolvable puzzle that I couldn’t keep from trying to work out anyway.


Alas, Otto has since transitioned to another plane, perhaps one where he’ll have 10 appendages instead of eight, or perhaps none.


The Wetlands celebrates the wild Atlantic coast and works to conserve the saltwater marsh and its residents. As a tourist destination, the institute could seem sort of barren if you were hoping for something like a zoo experience. But I go every year, mostly because of the elevated walkway they built out over the marsh—just high enough that the wind blows a little more noisily. High enough to keep the feet dry while I watch kayakers through water flanked by cordgrass.

 

Marsh, like the sea it holds hands with, is both constant and variable. Terrapin turtles, horseshoe crabs, nesting osprey, and egrets are among its little miracles. Look down into the shallow water and watch a blue crab scuttle sideways. Along the muddy edges of the water, fiddler crabs scurry in and out of their burrows, the males hauling their one oversized front claw like a bowling trophy they can’t put down. Red-winged blackbirds tweet and laughing gulls cackle. The longer you look out over the land and estuaries, the more aware you become of all the life buzzing underfoot, under water, and in the air.

So Otto was dead, but all else was busily alive and pursuing tactics to stay that way. Sometimes I mourn how long it took me to move from the nature-fearing mindset of my suburban youth to this current space of wonder. I’m just a hair wiser, but I feel wide-eyed with curiosity. Look at this place, this planet. Just look at it.

The Chance Mama Cass Never Had

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If you ever wondered whether it’s possible to eat a Cobb salad in the car with your hands while you’re driving, rest assured that it is—although I don’t recommend it if there’s dressing on it. Honestly, it’s just generally a bad idea. But if you are the sort of person who can eat a bagel while you’re doing 65 on I-90, the driving salad is within reach. 

While we’re on the topic, it is also possible to eat a salad with no dressing. To drink coffee without cream. To consume oatmeal straight up and almost forget that you used to regard it as a vehicle for brown sugar. I don’t necessarily recommend these things, either, but this is what I’ve been doing lately. 

Six months ago, I stopped eating anything with added sugar or sweeteners, everything made with any kind of flour, and any food that wasn’t part of a meal. The chase: no honey, no stevia, no aspartame, no whole-wheat muffins, no “gluten-free” bread or whole-grain pasta, no snacks. 

I eat a lot of vegetables, a little bit of fruit, a tiny bit of fat, and pretty much any kind of protein, animal or plant-based. Protein is a whole other kind of complicated, so don’t get me started on that one. Suffice it to say that the way I have been eating is the way I should eat forevermore. That is too scary to consider. Tragically, it is also too scary NOT to consider. For six months, I’ve been enjoying being off the queasy Tilt-a-Whirl of food addiction (for lack of a better word), so I don’t see much upside to overthinking the future. For the moment, I am happyish, which is probably as good as it gets for people who never met a quart of ice cream that couldn’t be consumed in one sitting. 

It’s pretty bold to presume that anyone cares what I eat, and yet two impulses nudge me to share. One is that I want to apologize for having become One of Those People. Hadn’t you been looking forward to trying out that new crème brulee recipe? And yet only AFTER you invite me to dinner do I mention that oh, by the way, I’m just another snowflake shunning the fun foods.

I know. I’m sorry. 

The second reason I’m writing this is that in my months of abstinence, I’ve discovered that many of us actually are secretly but deeply invested in what other people eat. In our family, when one of the hardy, big-appetite women quickly devours dinner, the man of the house (a very thin person and moderate eater) sometimes observes, “Wow! You were HUNGRY!” — not altogether without judgment. This is the American table writ small. 

And maybe it’s not even peculiar to Americans. Perhaps it is just human nature to watch each other across the trough and assess, silently or out loud: Wow, you eat A LOT. Or: Gee, you haven’t eaten A THING. Or: Why are you vegan? Or: How can you eat a formerly living animal? Or: Do you know how many calories are in that? I used to attend a big party where the hostess put out a giant spread then stood in the corner being thin. I literally never saw her take a bite. What was up with THAT?

Darwin could explain why we’re wired to judge each other’s food; I’m just here to say it happens. I’d like to be judged based on accurate information. 

I was in single digits when I first felt my brain light up at the thought of a cookie. Ten when I knew I was the only kid who just wanted to scramble out of the water for the snack-bar pizza. Thirteen when Mama Cass Elliot suffered the supreme indignity of dying while fat and allowing a sloppy medical examiner to suggest (erroneously) that she choked on a ham sandwich. 

I was fourteen when people started to spout observations about my weight and twenty-three when I got very thin for a minute with our helpful friends, coffee and cigarettes. I was everything-years-old when I reserved a solid ten percent of my energy for envying women who seemed effortlessly thin. 

Even the nice ones. Even Mary Tyler Moore. 

At every possible age, I loathed the brain that couldn’t find the shutoff valve and the body that made my weakness of character so glaringly obvious to the casual observer. 

Then I was fiftysomething. I decided to see what happened if I completely ceased consuming certain things that other people can eat without losing their minds. The bad news: It works. The good news: It works. I have located the shutoff valve, and it is, sadly, not in the kitchen. 

Nixing trigger foods stops me from craving more trigger foods. It has radically reduced the incidence of food- and weight-based self-criticism, though whole meadows bloom with other types of neurosis. I skip merrily through them all multiple times a week, but I do it in smaller pants and my knees don’t ache as much.

The even-better news is that neuroscience has been making significant strides in our understanding of how food affects the brain—or, more specifically, how different foods affect different brains differently. We understand now how sugar can be like alcohol can be like gambling can be like shopping. We know more about how far willpower can take us and how to avoid wasting it on the wrong things. 

In the years preceding Cass Elliot’s death, our best advice for fat women was to stop being sexually repugnant gluttons and drink more Tab. She never had a chance. 

One more thing is worth mentioning. There may be an itty-bitty minority of people who are overweight because they’re too lazy to do better for themselves, but fat really does not equal character. This cuts in both directions. In my six-months-to-date experiment of taking my brain off refined carbs, a few friends have kindly complimented my self-discipline. It’s not modesty when I say that I’m not all that self-disciplined. I’m just finally figuring out the chemistry. More to come, I’m sure. 

Wish me luck.

Barn owls and art history

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"Read something irrelevant every day." So said the late Charles Bergengren, a wild and unforgettable art history teacher experienced by many students of a certain era at the Cleveland Institute of Art. It was one of his best pieces of advice. I try to keep it top of mind, but of course so many of us are maddeningly determined to focus on two things: that which is aggressively useful and that which is Facebook.

Anyway, yesterday I was expecting to present a one-eyed barn owl at a park program. There I was, freshly refreshed on all my cool barn owl facts (including the story of why the owl has just the one eye), when the weather conspired to cancel the program. I had nowhere to go but my sketchbook. Which meant I did yet more research, which included watching a video by a thoroughly pleasant British man who explained how to build a nest box for barn owls. You may be wondering why we would need to build a box for an owl. Are these bird parents so dimwitted that they can't do the first thing for their their children?

Strictly speaking, barn owls can find their own tree cavities and such for nesting, but they love dry, sheltered places, such as barn rafters, near open fields, and—well, there aren't as many of those these days. In Ohio, the department of natural resources teams up with volunteers to install boxes, and monitor chicks, in spaces conducive to barn owl life. This is helping barn owl populations, and also helping us count them. There were 73 known barn owl nests in Ohio in 2017.

As for the boxes: The difference between smart design and poor design can be the difference between life and death for barn owl chicks. About 75 percent of barn owls don't make it to their first birthday, so we want to be mindful of not doing things that will hasten their death, such as building a next box that encourages them to fall out of the box before they can fly.

The point is (yes! There's a point!) I won't be building a barn owl box because I don't live near open farmland or meadow. But I feel better knowing that if the question were to arise, I could at least advise someone on the proper design, and maybe run to Home Depot for supplies. I'd like to think that Charlie would be proud of me.

By the way, the owl has just the one eye because she was injured in the nest by one of her siblings. We can always fix the box design. Family relations are more complicated.

What It Takes to be Seven (Again)

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Here’s what it takes to be 7 and 11 and 18 and 25 and 37 and on and on, all at the same time; to be none of those ages and all of them; to be just the soul you were at any age, experiencing the world with senses only and no nonsense; to be curious with no Google: Go outside to a quiet place with trees.

That’s it.

The Church of Showing Up

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When I was about eleven, I noticed that my best friend’s mother kneeled in the pew each Sunday instead of queuing up for Holy Communion with the other parishioners. Her first husband had dropped dead years before, leaving her a single mother with four kids. Her second husband was a divorced non-Catholic, so they had been unable to marry in the church. She thus was forbidden from receiving the sacrament of Communion, although she was expected to show up each week. And kneel in shame.

Even as a kid, I understood that church dogma was at odds with its purported raison d’etre. Still, it took three more decades of struggle before I could peacefully relinquish Catholicism. Today, about the nicest thing I can say about the church as an entity is that it is unworthy of its followers.

But now it’s the Christmas season, and, like many former Catholics, I feel nostalgic for a version of the church that never existed. I carry around the indelible imprint of the Apostle’s Creed as well as a longing for a regular, reverent, and ritual-rich place of communion with seekers led by people of wisdom. In addition, my better church would contain:
No petty politics. 
No tithing.
No committees.
No proselytizing.
No shaming.
No faith-killing hypocrisy.

Meanwhile, I’m in the wind. My little hothouse flower of a soul is unlikely ever to find what it seeks in organized religion, yet the promise of the first Christmas still resonates with possibility. I’ve given up on the “organized,” but not on faith.

Spiritual homelessness aside, I hold myself accountable for trying to figure out what it means to be good. I believe it’s solid practice to show up somewhere regularly to say “what a beautiful place this is” and “please give me a hand, will you?” and “God, forgive me for being such an ass.”

Sometimes that “somewhere” is on a pedestrian path in the park. Sometimes it’s a red light on Mayfield Road behind a bumper with a hippie “co-exist” sticker.

Then, too, we need to do well by one other. We should see each other more often—truly. Face to face, palm to palm, and with open and curious hearts. The lazy, introverted part of me would vote almost every time to stay home and watch Law & Order reruns. But the clock is ticking, our time together is short, and there may be ways we can feed each other, right? OK. I’m in. (Probably.)

So for now, for me, that's church. The Church of Doing My Best to Show Up.

I’m a newcomer. None of the prayers are automatic, none of the songs are completely familiar. But I'm going to try to sing along just the same.


The 37 Stages of Making a Drawing

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1) I have a half-baked idea for a drawing.
2) I will bake it!
3) I am drawing. It has possibilities! 
4) Still drawing. Something kind of cool is happening but I will probably ruin it. 
5) I think it needs a LOT there, but that might ruin it. 
6) Remember the successful artist who reminded me that I'm not practicing brain surgery? What is the consequence of a bad drawing? No one dies! 
7) The consequence is I could ruin it; despair. 
8) Well, hell, I'm going to make it really dark there anyway. Damn the torpedoes!
9) Hey, that worked. (Flap arms to air out flop sweat.) 
10) Keep going, though. 
11) I'd be better with better supplies. (Note to self: Trip to the art supplies store this weekend.) 
12) Is it done? I think it's done. 
13) It is absolutely NOT done, for cryin' out loud. Draw more.
14) NOW is it done? 
15) It could be done-ish.
16) Looks pretty good. I'll show spouse.
17) Spouse loves! Says it's done!
18) Hmmn. Spouse is not an artist. Approval does not count. 
19) But do I love it? 
20) It's literally the best thing I've ever done. Not just drawing. IN. MY. LIFE. 
21) I'll post it to social media. 
22) (20 minutes later) I wonder how it looks on my phone? 
23) Looks pri-tee good! I am a GENIUS! I cannot stand my bad self! I am too sexy for my pencils! Hahahah.
24) (90 minutes later) Wonder how it looks now that I haven't looked at it in 90 minutes? 
25) Looks good! Well, looks OK. I probably should have refined that spot. 
26) (2.5 hours later) I wonder how it looks now. (Pause to look.) God, it's such a cliche. It's a Me Cliche. It looks like everything else I have every done. Wrong. It looks like everything I have done wrong. Not just in art, but in my life. It looks like a big suitcase filled with mistakes and existential failure.
27) Why does God make us want to create art and then give us limited skills? (Note to self: must re-watch "Amadeus." Was Salieri's existence a waste of a life?)
28) I should delete it so no one else can see it. 
29) Don't be stupid. 
30) Not stupid. It is the worst thing I have ever drawn. 
31) I think I will make a mental inventory of all my terrible work. 
32) (three hours later) I am the worst person who ever lived. Except the fascists.
33) But I still want to draw. 
34) But I have no ideas. 
35) I will think of one
36) I have a half-baked idea. 
37) I will bake it.

Book review: NInth Street Women

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My book review of Mary Gabriel’s wonderful new history, Ninth Street Women, was published in the Washington Post. You can read it here.

Smuggle Back Your Soul

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Your honey-do list for Tuesday has been handed to you for weeks now by everyone with a social media account and a certain political bent. “VOTE!” they say.

And vote you should. Well, probably. To be honest, before “VOTE!” should come “INFORM YOURSELF!!” Too many people skip that part. 

But for the sake of argument, let’s say we all go out on Tuesday and honor the incredible gift that is our flawed democracy by casting informed votes that we hope against hope will actually and honestly be tabulated.

Now what do we do? What happens when we wake up Wednesday and the blue wave hasn’t arrived or wasn’t as impressive as we wished? What if we instead meet further evidence of the unraveling of the republic? This is THE outcome to plan for, because Wednesday will arrive.

I don’t know about you but I’m getting too old to flush an entire day—let alone two more years—in mourning. So I’m wondering: What’s your plan?

Mine is to stay sane and happyish. (It’s always a delicate balance between these ears, so happyish is a reasonable goal.) For me, the means to sanity and happyish are community, service, fierce pursuit of joy, and protecting my own humanity. 

Community: I have groups of friends who are writers and artists and thinkers who collectively lift my soul in such a way that they become a distinct geography, a place to which I must return in order to feel like myself. Even with the difficulties that go along with group dynamics, the best communities supply us with sustenance we just can’t get on our own. 

Service: I do one officially service-y thing by volunteering at a rescue organization for birds of prey. To call it “service” is a slap in the face to people who work at soup kitchens and reading centers and cancer wards. I volunteer so I can be close to wild animals. That’s pretty selfish. But I DO help get things done when I’m there, and the animals DO benefit, and—more to the point—it’s an exercise in empathy, which is what animates all spiritual practices. 

We can also be of service on an hour-by-hour basis, as a holistic approach to life, through how we engage with people and the natural world. I’ll work on that one. It will help if I think of my fellow humans as featherless birds. 

Fierce pursuit of joy: We need to remember to regularly fling ourselves hard at what feels good. Ride a horse, if that’s your thing. Walk through woods, listen to the music you slow danced to in high school. Last month at the raptor center, I stuck my hand into a container of mealworms and felt a rush of delight at the wriggling at the bottom of the bag. Such a surprise! 

We must smuggle our souls back from the thieves. Hold close to wonder. 

And humanity: My new rule is that I’m allowed to demonize the despots, but only occasionally, not as a staple of my thought-diet. And I’m forbidden from demonizing real humans in my personal world unless I see a pitchfork and horns under a tarp in their trunk. This one can take some work. 

But after spending years now trying to understand how otherwise good people can support ideas and politicians I find abhorrent, here’s what I know: It’s not understandable. I won’t “win” them. They don’t want to understand me as much as I want to understand them. That’s part of how we’re different.

Still. I love them or not based on how they treat others and me. So, sorry, Don, Mitch, Brett. I might be an asshole, but you won’t turn me into that kind of asshole. I won't discard friends based on politics. I won’t do it.

That’s it. That’s my plan. And I will employ it even if we get a blue wave, because I remember the joy I felt when Barack Obama won in 2008; and I remember eight years of struggle and setbacks that followed.

There is so much work to be done, civically, culturally, and personally. We need to preserve our hearts for the trip ahead.

Why words matter

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I wandered into a Facebook argument the other day about the Associated Press Style Book authorities having loosened the long-held prohibition against the word "over" to mean "more than."

Argue among yourselves over whether the more relaxed but less specific "over" should be permitted. I jumped into the Facebook debate at the point where one of the participants asked "Why does anyone even care about this?"

It was a useful moment. It reminded me of the good fortune of having once been an impressionable young journalist lapping up edicts from more experienced writers and editors. These lessons sometimes arrived laden with literalism, but mostly they were useful. I was taught, decades ago, to be wary of adverbs. I still am.

We were advised to think about language. With that thinking came sensitivity; with sensitivity came the ability to take pleasure in nuance and clarity and, most of all, logic. This is why some of us balk when a prevalent bit of linguistic sloppiness carries nonstandard usage across the finish line. As far as I'm concerned, "regardless" and "irregardless" cannot both be correct, nor can "literally" mean "figuratively." Oh well. They're all supposedly acceptable now.

We learned the mechanics of written language and some of us tried for the poetry of it, too. We developed an ear for a well-turned metaphor and came to spot the garishness of a poorly chosen one.

We thought about these things when we were reading and writing, and came to admire those rare smiths who can deliver precision encased in something fresh. I follow an Instagram guy who posts pictures of dogs with accompanying, often hilarious, street-language text. When he wants to say "wait a minute," it's "wayment." That slays me. And when I first came across Bilbo Baggins feeling "like butter scraped over too much bread," all I could do was sigh with delight and recognition.

All of this is to say that concern for dictionaries and thesauri and Associated Press usage pronouncements makes life richer for some of us.

I tend to prefer "more than" to "over" in most cases, but what I really care about is the caring itself.

Over and out.